I haven’t really known how to start Oliver’s birth story. It keeps rolling around in my head and getting stuck on “shoulds.”

 

I “should” have gone into labor.

 

I “should” have had a "natural "birth.

 

I “should” feel that the most important thing is the baby’s health.

 

I “should” not mourn the loss of a birth experience I will never have because everyone is healthy.

 

But the truth is that there really is no “should.”

 

I can mourn the loss of an unmedicated birth experience while I am still so grateful for the beautiful birth I had.

 

I know that I had the experience that I needed. I know that I made the best decisions that I could for my son and myself. I know that I do not need to apologize for how I feel or the decisions I made.

 

Moving on.

 

There comes a point in pregnancy, maybe it's always there, when we start to really consider the exit strategy. How is this baby going to come out. And for many of us, it can be scary, empowering and exciting all at the same time.

 

Early in my pregnancy I thought that I had my exit strategy all figured out. I was going to have a c-section. I had had my son Dedrick that way and from what I had heard...once you have a c-section, you are locked in for a repeat. My OB told me that this was the safest way to go. It seemed an easy decision so I made it and moved on...

 

Until I saw Jill give birth.

 

Seeing Jill bring Jack into the world was an amazing experience. I felt so privileged to be a part of it. I saw Jill transform into a mother and it was remarkable. It got me thinking. My previous experience with birthing did not feel remarkable or empowered at all! It was scary and medical. It felt sterile and detached. At times during recovery it was dark and painful. That was not how I wanted to bring Oliver, my last baby, into the world.

 

So I started to research my options. I canceled my c-section. I hired a lovely midwife. And I started making plans to have a natural birth. 

 

Then the wait began. I was so sure that Oliver would come early. I had been having contractions for months. He measured big. I just felt it in my bones!

 

Perhaps that feeling was mostly wishful thinking.

 

Oliver hung on in my uterus like a koala bear! Dates and milestones began clicking by. The date of my previously scheduled c-section. Click. His due date. Click. One week overdue. Click. Click Click.

 

I went for long walks. I danced. I bounced on the birth ball. I drank the tea. I pumped. I chased my husband down for sex. I ate spicy food. I did everything that I could think of to induce labor.

 

My OB started to worry. Every day that passed put us both at higher risks. He was big and getting bigger reducing my likelihood of having him naturally even if I did go into labor. He hadn’t dropped into my pelvis so my cervix wasn’t softening or dilating. He was head down, but facing the wrong way, further weakening my chances for a natural vaginal birth.

 

My OB would not induce me because of the increased risk of uterine tear from the previous c-section. I had to decide whether to wait it out or opt for another c-section. This was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I felt like I had to choose between the experience that I wanted so badly and the health of my son.

 

In the end Oliver decided for me. I truly felt that he was trying to tell something. I weighed all my options. I cried. I talked with my son. And one morning I woke up and just felt certain.

 

So on February 18 at 3:30pm I headed into the hospital with my husband, my best friend and my midwife. When we got to the hospital it still didn’t really feel real that I was about to meet my son. We all joked and laughed as the nurses prepared me for surgery. My husband filled out the chart on the wall for the nurses, entering “misogynists” as my only allergy and “likes crazy pants” as the “preferences.”

 

The nurses seemed respectful but cautious of me. In truth, I felt a little like a high maintenance patient. Because I had done my research I had a very clear idea of what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I had some weird requests. I brought a big team with me. I wasn’t content to just go along with the way that they did things at the hospital. I wanted a different experience.

 

Even though I was having a c-section, I still wanted to do things as naturally as possible. Here are some of the requests I made:

 

Vaginal swabbing.

 

When I first asked my OB what the benefits of having a natural birth were he told me that the biggest one was the bacteria that the baby would be exposed to in the birth canal. My first thought was...well, if I have a c-section, maybe I could just rub some of my vaginal bacteria on my son. Seriously...why not. You wouldn’t believe my surprise and delight when I brought this up with my midwife and found out that it is really a THING! It has been researched and everything.

 

I won’t lie...the nurses at the hospital thought I was joking. Then, when they found out I was serious, they thought I was crazy. But, they gave me the gauze anyway.

 

Save my placenta.

 

Requesting to save my placenta for consumption did not help my cause with the nurses! So, for the second time since arriving at the hospital I got a “you want to do WHAT???” look from the nurses.

 

Before you have visions of Daenerys and the horse heart, I had my midwife encapsulate the placenta. Consuming my placenta has given me a little cushion in the rapid drop off of hormones after birth. Many of the hormones that we produce in pregnancy come from the placenta, so when we consume it postpartum, we can sometimes prevent the baby blues and postpartum depression. In fact, besides camels, we are the only mammals who don’t regularly eat their placentas after birth.

 

Skin to skin.

 

I requested that Oliver be laid on my chest immediately after birth. Traditionally, during a c-section, the baby is taken away to be cleaned, weighed and measured before given to the mother to hold. I wanted Oliver, goo and all, on my chest as soon as possible after his birth. I wanted to hold my son while the doctors stitched me up.

 

Latching right away.

 

This request went hand in hand with the skin to skin. I wanted Oliver to have a chance to latch right away if he was interested. I requested that my midwife be in the operating room with me in order to help me with this. I didn’t want to wait to bond with my son. I felt like I had waited a lifetime to meet him. I wanted to start loving and sustaining him right away!

 

Support system in the OR.

 

The last, but possibly the most important request that I had when checking in for my c-section was that my entire birth team be allowed in the Operating Room with me. I couldn’t imagine having Oliver without everyone there. My husband. My best friend. My midwife.

 

Jessie Mundell says that she didn't have the birth she wanted, she had the birth she needed. I couldn't agree more. Despite the fact that I ended up having surgery, I did have a birth that made me feel empowered. My c-section was “gentle” and I was able to do all the things that I requested when I checked in.

 

Once my IV was in I was taken into the OR to get an epidural. There was a big team of nurses in addition to my doctor and they talked through the surgery, ritualistically, as if I wasn’t there. The room was cold and bright. My heart fluttered. My anesthesiologist talked me through the epidural and joked about kids. I tried to convince him to have his daughter, whom he described as “strong but not fast” to try out the Highland Games.

 

The nurses laid me back and a warm rush flooded my body. I felt tingly and weird. It was a little hard to breath. My blood pressure dropped several times and the doctor worked to steady it.

 

My husband, Jill and Julia all came in looking pretty adorable in their sterile OR garments. It was such a relief to see these faces even as I was splayed out, naked from the waist down on a table. They sat behind me and I could feel someone put their hand on my head. They spoke encouraging words. I felt washed in their support.

 

Before I knew it the doctor was saying that we would meet Oliver in just a moment. My heart jumped.

 

Then I heard his cry for the first time.

 

It was like an angel singing.

 

This was my son I just heard!

 

It seemed like an eternity before he was on my chest, even though it was only seconds. I had to touch him. Kiss him. Hold him.

 

The doctor placed him on my chest. His warm skin touched mine. His smell was the only thing that I could smell. The softness of his skin was the only thing I could feel. His eyes were the only thing I could see. My son looked at me and my heart exploded.

 

Tears flooded my eyes and I looked back at Matt. He was reaching out for our son with tears in his eyes. This boy who would complete our family. This boy born out of so much love.

 

“He is so beautiful.” I heard Jill say.

 

Julia leaned forward and encouraged Oliver to latch...and he did.

 

All too soon, Oliver and Matt left the OR to cut the cord and get measurements.

 

9 pounds, 6 ounces. 21 inches. And 100% gorgeous!

 

It’s so hard to put into words the amount of love that laps at all corners of your life when you have a baby. I was so worried that bringing Oliver into the world would take away some of the love I had “allocated” for Dedrick. But it just made me love him more. I worried that I already loved Dedrick so much that I wouldn’t have enough love to give Oliver. But love is not a limited resource. It expands and multiplies. It is limitless. Oliver makes me love everyone more.

 

Oliver’s existence has crashed into our lives like any newborn would. We are up at night. Sometimes I don’t get out of my PJs until dinner time. Sometimes I don’t get a chance to eat. Sometimes I eat anything that is not nailed down. I’ve been covered in ALL the body fluids! I often don’t get as much time as I’d like to write or read. Sometimes I do my workouts in shifts between feedings. But I’m figuring it out and I’m loving it!

My experience has encouraged me to devote myself to helping other women feel strong and empowered throughout their pregnancies and integrate back into lifting postpartum. We help moms move naturally, eat primally and take unapologetic ownership of their place in this world. Movement Duets is also a part of the Mid Valley Birth Network and The Stork’s Nest, LLC, in which we host workshops on core and pelvic floor restoration. We plan to eventually take these workshops to the web. I also work part-time as a chiropractic assistant helping people move more like humans!